I just love telemarketers. There’s nothing better than being in an important meeting or trying to finish a project, and being interrupted by a foreign sales call. Seeing the name of a city I’ve never been to before pop up on the caller ID brings a smile to my face, because I just know the person on the other end is going to try to sell me something that I don’t need.
Finding yourself as a victim of telemarketing is the worst. It wastes your time, throws off your workflow, and it can be difficult to get yourself out of the conversation. Inbound marketing is a much more effective way reach potential customers. In honor of April Fools’ Day, here are a few friendly pranks to play on telemarketers that I’ve mustered up over the years.
Speak to my Supervisor
If I answer the phone and discover a telemarketer on the other end, I just quietly hand the phone to my five year old son, Miles… and let the fun begin!
Please Hold, and I’ll Get You to the Right Department
This one is great. When telemarketers call and team members are nearby, I can’t help but share the fun. I’ll say something like, “Let me get you to the right department” in a strange voice, and then pass the phone to another employee who will do the same in a different voice. At its best, we’ve passed the phone around ten times with ten different voices, and capped it off by passing the phone to our “supreme leader,” Miles.
Oh, Have I Got a Deal for You!
Cut the telemarketer off during their sales pitch and ask them if they would like to buy something from you. It’s even funnier if you try to sell them something completely off the wall, like a set of 24 jumbo pool noodles. Nine times out of ten, they’ll just hang up.
You Have Reached the Voicemail Box of…
We all have that one friend whose voicemail message actually does trick us every time. The recording starts with “Hello”, and pauses to make you think that your friend is really on the other end, just to interrupt your own voice with the rest of the recorded message. I love using the same tactic to trick telemarketers. Say “Hello”, and then wait for them to start talking. Interrupt them with “Sorry, we can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message at the tone. Beeeeeep.”
Lil Jon Soundboard
This is probably my favorite way to mess with telemarketers. When they call, I simply respond to their questions with an emphatic “YEAH”, “OK”, or “WHAT” and add in other catchphrases as needed for maximum comedic effect. They’ll be so caught off guard, they’ll be stumbling over their sales pitch. This one had Anthony and I laughing for 30 minutes straight.
Me, Myself, and I
Another option is to just leave the telemarketer out of the conversation altogether. Whatever they’re trying to sell, act like you already convinced yourself to buy it. You can say “You know what? I was just telling myself that I need to buy that! Shockingly, Self said ‘Just buy it already!’” As long as you keep talking, you’ll have control of the conversation. Don’t let the telemarketer get a word in so that they can’t actually try to sell you anything. Just for fun, end with “Me and Myself are going to have to discuss this further. We’ll get back to you. Bye!”
Have You Planned for the Future?
When I see “out of area” on the caller ID, I know it’s a telemarketer. I answer the phone and greet the person with the name of a made-up insurance company, and try to sell them life insurance. I’ll ask “What if something happened to you?” or “Are you sure your final needs can be met?” Usually, they’ll hang up.
Respond in Gibberish
Answer the phone in a pretend foreign language. Give them your best mumbo jumbo. You’ll be surprised how quickly the conversation ends, and you’ll get a good laugh out of it! Our team had some fun in this video.
What Did I Win?!
Try responding to the sales call as if if it isn’t a sales call at all. Act like that telemarketer just told you that you won a huge cash prize. In a super excited voice, say “I never win anything! This is unbelievable!” Go on to ask them how to claim your prize. No matter how many times the person tries to get back to their sales pitch, don’t let up on getting those “prize details”.
Do You Have a Minute, or 60?
This is a lighthearted way to call telemarketers out on what they do best: wasting your time. During the person’s sales pitch, interrupt and say “Listen, I’d love to chat with you, but can you hold on a few minutes? I’m on the other line with another telemarketer. We’ve been talking for an hour and a half.”
Time is Money
A telemarketer wants to talk to you? Let them think it’s going to cost them! Here’s a sample script: “I’ll gladly listen to your pitch, but there are a few things I should mention first. I charge an hourly consulting rate of $300. We’ve already been on the phone for a few minutes, so you owe $17.50 so far. Before we go any further, I’ll need you to fill out an application and submit a $25 application fee. Where should I mail your application form?”
Telemarketing vs. Inbound Marketing
The moral of the story? Telemarketing is an awful idea. People are automatically turned off when a phone call turns into a sales pitch, especially from someone they don’t know. Aside from that, cold calling can be awkward and uncomfortable, and isn’t an effective way to build positive and personal relationships with potential clients.
If you’re looking for ways to capture new clients and boost sales, inbound marketing is the best solution. Inbound marketing uses various strategies, including content marketing, social media marketing, and search engine optimization. Instead of trying to convince consumers to use your services via phone call, post content on your website that educates the public on what you offer. Use unique and engaging social media posts to spark interest and grab attention. A proper SEO strategy will help drive traffic to your website; the first step to acquiring new customers.
Stop fooling around when it comes to your marketing plan! Creative Click Media offers multiple inbound marketing services to help take your business to new heights. Chat with our team today, and we’ll work together to find the package that’s perfect for you.